Ugh...

Here I am, three weeks after my last post, and here is what I have to report:  I had ANOTHER period that started just 16 days after the last one.  I've only lost maybe a pound and a half in the past 3 weeks, and I'm desperately trying to deal with the frustration.  It isn't easy, but I'm managing.

I added in P90X to my workout routine, so I am building muscle as well.  I've also been reading the forums at Livestrong.com and I have decided that I think I actually need to eat a bit MORE than I have been.  Really maybe there is something to the idea that the body holds onto fat if you aren't replacing the calories you are burning--the whole starvation mode theory.  So I've decided to do my best to stay as close as humanly possible to the target calorie goals on the site--including eating my exercise calories. 

I also decided TODAY to start adding some dairy back in.  I plan to have at least one glass of skim milk a day and to add in some greek yogurt and not 100% avoid cheese, just 98%.  We'll see what happens...

Dang it, I'm not going to get frustrated. I am going to make this work!!!!

Pictures Update

Well, I was right yesterday--I maintained my weight.  I can't be too disappointed in that, so I decided I was due for a picture update:

 

 Gonna have to take a look and see what the last month or so has accomplished....

It's Not Been A Good Week

This past week has NOT been a very good one for me mentally and physically.  Last Thursday was a triple whammy:  it was Remicade day, I started my period, and I drank 2 beers the night before.  All of those things inevitably make me gain weight, and true to form, by Friday morning I was up 3 pounds.  Mind you, I did not go over 1500 calories a single day, I kept away from dairy, sugar and white flour, and I walked 4-5 miles each day for 5 of the 7 day week.  I knew it would happen with the Remicade and all, but that fact did NOT make things any easier.

Now let's add on a couple other big obstacles--my brother got married on Friday and we went out to dinner afterward.  Oh, and my dad was in town and we went out to lunch as well.  We did Chinese for lunch and I got shrimp with vegetables in white sauce.  I wiped off as much of the sauce as I could, but of course I did eat some, but I accounted for that when logging calories.  I had Ahi Tuna for dinner with zucchini, and while I asked for the dressing on the side of my salad, it did come with the dressing on it.  So I drank 2 glasses of wine and ate one calamari ring, ate the salad with the dressing (picked off the cheese and croutons), ahi tuna and zucchini, and I ate a bite or two of the carrot cake and the chocolate cake people ordered for dessert.  So I did not stick to plan entirely, but I practiced a lot of restraint.  And considering the level of control I had the rest of the week, one would think a day wouldn't matter.

And then on Saturday my friend Veronica had her housewarming party.  I drank WAAAAY too much vodka that night and ended up getting sick a bunch of times that night.  But in terms of food while I was there, I only ate a few pieces of broccoli and a couple of meatballs. 

But even with the vicious hangover I still managed to stay under 1500 calories on Sunday.  Yet here I am on Monday and I am still up a pound from official weigh in day last week.  Tomorrow is official weigh in day and the only hope I have is to have stayed even because there is no way I will have lost.  It is so discouraging--but I have no choice but the power on.  There is no way I will lose weight by giving up so I can't do that, but DAMN am I frustrated.

Monday Monday

So here we are on Monday, day two of cutting out nearly everything white from my diet--white flour, sugar, dairy.  Even though I have adjusted to lower calories, the pangs and cravings for the simple carbs are pretty strong.  It isn't going to be easy--but I am determined to do it in order to see the results. 

Strength, I need strength.  I can do it.  I'm sure I will believe it if I keep saying it.  Or just look at those pictures I posted yesterday.  Yikes--I HATE looking like that.  Not gonna be that anymore. 

On the plus side, I did a 4 mile walk this morning and jogged for about 8 minutes of it.  It wasn't a huge amount, but it was a huge step in the right direction for me.  Keep on keepin' on!

My Personal 30-in-60 Challenge

Alright, I have lived through 3 1/2 weeks without dairy (well, for the most part--I'm sure somethings snuck in) and nearly as long walking for an hour almost every day, I've only lost 6 pounds.  Now mind you, 6 pounds isn't "nothing", that's for sure.  But it is 6 pounds that I gained in like a month and it is taking much longer and much more work to get it off.  I have logged anywhere from 3-5 miles/day on all but 2 of the last 14 days, kept my calorie intake to 1300-1700 daily with the exception of one or two days, and still I can't get decent progress.  So I am now challenging myself to lose 30 pounds in 60 days.  It is a lot, but it isn't unreasonable.

Now mind you, those 60 days include both Thanksgiving and Christmas which throws a big monkey wrench into the plan, but dang it, I am determined to do this, regardless of the challenges.  So here I go...

I am using MyPlate on livestrong.org to log my food and exercise.  It is a great tool and is very helpful.  But on top of that, this is the diet plan I am keeping myself to:

Breakfasts will be one of the following:

• Oatmeal
• Eggs (either 2 eggs or 1 egg and 2 pieces of turkey bacon)
• Trader Joe's Organic Flax cereal with almond milk

Lunches and dinners will be more flexible, but in general will consist of lean protein, veggies, and whole grain carbs (brown rice, whole grain breads) and maybe some good fats

For snacks, I will have soy yogurt, raw nuts, maybe a piece of fruit, and maybe a slice of whole grain bread with peanut butter.

I plan to stick around 1200 calories consumed while still walking 4-5 miles a day.

All I have to say is, if I DON'T lose a decent amount of weight on this plan, then there is something REALLY wrong with my body....

Oh yeah, and here pics pre-plan....

Move it, move it!

I'm walkin' man, I'm walkin'!

I've started walking regularly and I've discovered that I really love it.  My Sirius radio and I are best friends as I cruise around the neighborhood--I completely lose myself in the music and my thoughts and it is downright therapeutic.  I love love LOVE that time.  100% me time, no interruptions.  Love that.

I have also changed the way I eat.  I am going to change this body--nothing and no one can do that but me, and I'm going to do it.  I really really REALLY want to start taking ballroom dance, but I refuse to start when I am so overweight and out of shape.  So I'm forcing myself to do it, regardless of how hard it is.  Losing weight is so hard for me and I've always ended up giving up.  Well, that is over.  It has to be--nothing will change if I don't do it.

So I'm off.  Wish me luck.

Finding Courage

I'm the first to admit, I have never been very brave.  I am not very good at standing up for myself, and I rarely follow through on my ambitions.  I have always sort of felt that I just wasn't good enough, or else I was afraid to fail, so I just didn't try.

Wow, my son is just like me.  Scary when you realize such things.

So I really need to figure out how to find the courage to do the things I want to do.  I need to stop making excuses, stop putting things off, stop--existing.  I need to live, to feel, to be something I am proud of.  And right now I am SO not proud of any part of who I am.

The only way to get there is to work hard, so here I go.  I've been eating better and exercising for a week and a half and have lost 6 pounds so far.  I have a LOT more to go, but I am, for once, determined to make it work.  I desperately want to actually, FINALLY start ballroom dance classes, but I keep making the excuses as to why I haven't done it.  And mostly it's because I'm embarrassed at how bad I look.  So I have given myself a goal of losing as much as I can by the end of the year and starting in January.  I will keep losing, but I think it will be good to make that my reward for making progress.

Pretty boring blog, but that is where I am today.  More to come later.